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Challenge #5 – Overthinking

Well the last challenge has finally come. Thank goodness in many ways that the Challenges were only 5! This last one was something that seems appropriate in being the last one. This one, in my opinion, goes hand-in-hand with the previous challenges. But it lay hidden in the background and not hogging the lime-light. In the end, Overthinking was not as hard as the other challenges.

The main thing that Overthinking has shown is that it excacerbated the other challenges. I overthought the process. You could say I did ‘Overthink’ on each one. The thought process was catharic and allowed for all sorts of mental and emotional release. A healing of sorts, in that memories, emotional entanglements, mental anguish and physical reactions all got a chance to have their moment in the sun.

Overthinking, has brought about delays in decisions and I do not mean procrastination. Delays in emotional release of anger, regrets, love, hate etc. The spectrum of the human condition that you can put yourself through. Can you sense all the things that needs attention and give it equal attention? No. You cannot. Obsess about the needs and there is ‘overthinking’ appearing.

What do I take away from this Challenge?

  • Wasting too much time in the thought process and not enough time in the doing process.
  • Go out and do things no matter how small they are, they are a joy that only you can measure.
  • If you think it, you can go do it and have joy in the energetic return that it brings. As long as it brings you happiness, and maybe a small smile that only you understand.
  • Worrying about the ‘Will it go right?’, ‘Will it get done?’, ‘Can I do this?’, ‘Should I do this?’ etc. phrases, is more than enough time to toss those thoughts into a circular bin.
  • Do a challenge once, even if you never do it again.

Be your best friend, be the one that hears your joys, sorrows, dreams, hopes and embrace all that. Invite in the thoughts, and hear them well. Plan out your spontanity and go for it! Overthinking was slowing me down and I wanted to listen and do. The only overthinking I want to do, is the future remenicencing that I will share with family and friends down the road. I want to be the storyteller that shares in the wonders and joys of things done, not washed in somber shades of regret.

Thank you all for being on this journey. And if there was one from the list of “5 Things to Quit Right Now” that you missed feel free to use the links to check those previous topics. If you decide to tackle 1 of the 5 feel free to share, how you overcame it.

Love you to pieces,

Nims

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New Year – New Word for 2021

Choosing the ‘Word’ for an entire year was new to me last year. Remembering how awed I was to find one that spoke volumes, was powerful. This year its time to stretch out and grab a new one that fits like a comfy jacket, but you find is not comfy at all. One meant to make you break the mold and go outside those boundaries you may have laid up this past year. I took a few minutes to clear my mind just to ask it the question, “What word will define your endeavors this year?”, and will you embrace it no matter what.

I started with deep breathes and felt the words just float up like low eddies of leaves in a stirring wind. I plucked at a few, and more as they swirled into view. Then let go of many, back into the current dissolving away. Power words flowed quickly and slowly, most felt and tasted like warm cup of cocoa and so I knew it was a word from my comfort zone. One floated around and swished around my feet and caught my eye. I saw this fiery edging on this word, and it was so powerful, and outside of my comfort-zone. One word – ‘brave’.

There it was, pulsing in all its beauty, not dressed up screaming all in CAPS but lower case. Gentle looking yet powerful. An extrovert by nature and happiest making others laugh even if I am the brunt of my own humor. Seeing this word makes me shiver unsure how we will get along. Taking another deep breath, making myself step towards ‘brave’ edged in fire’s glow makes me scared enough to run. With that feeling of risk and breathlessness I intuitively embrace it. It will breathe life into my dreams and stoke the flames of my shy creativity higher this year. Deep down there is no overthinking this. This word inspires you to leave second thoughts behind.

Brave means different things. It means be assertive, work on boundaries, and believe in yourself. There will be more to uncover this year, no doubt. No one else will know what that single word means to you, but you. This year it is all about ‘You’, your knowledge, your craft, your love, and your creative soul. You again reach for your word, but it does not scorch or wound, but fire you up and make your eyes glow and your inner soul sing.

I took a moment to just inhale and exhale the word in that one breath… ‘brave’. Thereby allowing it to solidify its presence into my essence. A decision that is unchangeable and already sweeping in and burning a new path in this ‘bravenew year.

What is your word? What is your “brave”?

Nims

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Challenge #4 – Putting Yourself Down

I say, “Welcome back.” It has been a long while since I wrote something other than in a journal this year and a half I’ve been away. My time away was due to my personal relationship ended after 13 years, I took it really hard. I am much better after taking a break. It is a good thing sometimes to just pair things down and just survive.

I will admit that this time was the time of “Putting Yourself Down”. As far as challenges go this would be something you’d want to change. But due to the changes in my life, this became the one thing that was unavoidable. It’s the worst thing you can do to yourself. It’s visceral and with a relationship ended that was not seen, you can only tear into yourself. Who needs enemies when you are your own worst enemy.

You are your worst enemy. It is your negative thoughts that hold you back, nothing else.

-Leon Brown

I second guessed myself, I berated myself for things that in hindsight I felt I should have seen. I have learned something simple is to see the flaws for what they were and did I learn something from them. Yes, I learned that you have to get the ‘stuff’ out of your head onto paper or you torture yourself as you go viscously in circles. That was the enemy within.

So writing down the things that you replay in your mind is the best thing to ‘airing your laundry’ kind of therapy. Not everyone will be comfortable writing things down. Many times I wished for him back. But in that, he refused to even talk to me. So I did all I could to not break down except at home. I shielded myself with work with mindless TV shows and journaling.

From my journal: “Do you feel the darkness, the mirror of your face reflected back at you from the deepest abyss and where you feel the pain like an all-consuming live hot wire and yet you feel the coldest of ice in your veins, like someone dead? When all that was is so destroyed, and you stare at a black mirror in that timeless space wishing things to end?…”

One paragraph after another was the catharsis that helped me move from one day to the next. My hashtag on IG was #onedayatatime and #healinginbitsandpieces. Each day was a gift and I did take a big breath and move through the days sometimes just chanting a mantra of “one minute, one hour” you can do this. Get up and walk for a minute and come back with my mind still holding hands with my sanity.

We also put ourselves down, in this time of stress and change. I said the below and more even hurtful things I’ll not post.

  • “How could I’ve not seen this?”
  • “What did I do wrong? Everything!”
  • “You’re getting old and stupid!”
  • “You’re a blind bitch!”

I had to stop at some point. That point came when we (body and mind are separate entities) were so raw with emotion and we can no longer cry, no longer yell at ourselves, no longer take the beratings. That we see ourselves at the bottom of the well and it is now empty. That we see the ladder and the light above our heads. We can then start to sew our body and mind back into one being.

Each day the journal helped empty my head and heart of feelings. Each day was a significant milestone, a year built into one day. We’ve all been there and we hate the way it makes us feel. We do come back to life, we do feel the shock disappear and we awaken once more to a beautiful day without the pangs of anger, loss, and helplessness. We also stop thrashing ourselves back and forth over the floor like a wet mop!

So I learned to not be my own worst enemy, for I had to be my friend when friends also have to go back to their family’s and their duties after supporting me. I am ever grateful for the late-night chats via text or phone that my friends provided that ‘life-line’ when I felt low. I am ever grateful that I looked into the abyss and saw myself and felt the fire and ice and was able to come back by sheer will. I am grateful that I learned to stop putting myself down for surviving each day. We cannot destroy ourselves for we have the desire to win, as long as we come to realize that.

I came to find the beauty in myself, the beauty in life, the beauty in being me, and being someone who can love themself without having to define it by another. I came to realize that being a visionary of seeing the possibilities in others and remember to look within and see them there inside of me as well.

To all of you who have walked this path, I salute you. We are survivors and we have won.

Yeah, this challenge is laid to rest. One more to work on, last one #5 – Overthinking.

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Want to check in on my other posted challenges you can use the following links. Challenge #1 – Trying to Please Everyone, Challenge 2- Fearing Change, Challenge #3 – Living In The Past

And the list, if you feel the need to work one one:

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Challenge #2 Recap -“Fear of Change”

Okay it’s been a long, long time between the start of Challenge #2 “Fear of Change”,  I knew that it would be hard. Yes, and a veritable beast it has been to me and still continues to be. But!…Yes, I have been working on it. I get up and go to work. I take deep breaths and then some more. I look at the stuff I’m doing and take a walk, process and I come back and tackle it bite-by- bite.

It is interesting, because I think the Universe is laughing at me and still continues to feed me more challenges in this genre. Well then, months have passed and still things are shifting and changing. I’m pretty sure that are many of you who are also feeling the same thing. Ever since I started these challenges, I’ve noticed nothing is constant. Things (loose term, I know), are still fluttering over and under buoyed by the ever-changing winds. Old challenges look to be overcome, I just think that they are taking a back seat for the moment so that new challenges can come in. Yet they are there, waiting for us to return to them and get on with it.

Since “Fear of Change” is still a constant hum in my ear, I’ve decided enough is enough and let it go to the back seat. It’s time to try another challenge from that little list of 5 that I started with last year. The list goes: [1-Trying to Please Everyone, 2- Fearing Change, 3- Living in the Past, 4- Putting Yourself Down and 5- Overthinking].

So, which one do you think should get the nod for attention? Well if you read my previous posts, you’ve noted I mention them in the same breath as ‘bad habits’. So the next offender is #1 “Trying to Please Everyone“! (roaring crowd in the background!)

Okay, so doesn’t sound bad, but sure looks bad because it was listed as number one in the list. But by my estimation it will be difficult too. We live to please lots of people. And strive to not fall off that horse on the carousel as it goes round and round.

With that, wish me luck and lots of it. I’ll try to not offend the masses that I work with, or live with. And when I check back in, as least you’ll know I’ve made it through without being alienated. Humm, well, let me check that, I might be alienated. (Thinking out loud) But would that be a bad thing, you think? Sometimes I’ll have to say ‘No’.

Change does not happen in a day.

Nims

 

 

change, The Ideas

Challenge 2- Fearing Change

Well I’m back to Challenges and still think that the time or time between challenges is not going to be clinically 2 or 3 weeks. I believe that everyone deals differently in how to tackle, and work on challenges regardless of how they come up and how they eventually get executed.

Okay for previous Challenge 1 – came from my previous post and was all about busting habits we get ourselves into. Habits that can be detrimental to our everyday productivity and mental well being. I took on #4 Putting Yourself Down.

Well, after about 2 weeks I was catching myself internalizing the words and nipping the down-play quickly. In the 3-4 weeks zone I found myself more accepting of my ability to be truthful and uplift myself even if I fail at a project or fail to understand “How To” documents or other. (I am having issues with first time read-throughs and have to tackle it again. Reading and comprehending has always been something that I have to work on. And I love to read!! Imagine that!) Then at the 5-6 weeks time frame I noticed I didn’t have to catch myself, I found myself more confident and assure of myself. Now in the 7-8 weeks I know that the act of “Putting Yourself Down” has been trampled soundly in my mind.

So I’m ready for Challenge number #2, so I’m back at the same drawing board which one of the habits do I need to kick? I decided to do #2 Fearing Change. I feel it goes hand in hand with #4 and since I’m on a roll I decided to put this one on the playboard.  So for those of you wondering about the list, for brevity:  [1-Trying to Please Everyone, 2- Fearing Change, 3- Living in the Past, 4- Putting Yourself Down and 5- Overthinking].

So everyone has issues and things that they know they need to change and stall out on. Stalling, procrastination, delaying…whatever you want to call it. Call yourself out on it! (PS – my word I use all the time? “Procrastination”) Okay so with my big word out in the open, what does it have to do with “Fearing Change”? Everything, it has to do with everything that I am afraid of. Writing, losing weight, doing a good at my current workplace and even getting my dreams into reality!

Yes! Dreams those lovely things that we visit in our heads, those inner wishes that we build into mega towns or cities and we are Queens & Kings of that world. Who are you? CEO of  businesses, Independent writer, Entrepreneur extraordinaire, you name it and you dream it! Can you do the things necessary to make that change come into being? Can you step by step tackle that nasty bugger “Fear” and change those dreams into reality? How badly do you want it and what are you willing to work on to get it into the birthing canal to come into this world?

Okay, so I found out that tackling niche research, finding polls, asking questions of friends, looking into writing genres, reading, “Googling” topics and blogs and other sites I ran across to find out the little things that I need to make things work my way. I need to take classes. I need to read more. I need to work with a mentor. I need to produce things that are in my line of business that I need to be that CEO or that Independant or Entrepreneur. But fear of not being good? Well i’m finding out if you never try and you don’t pull that dream out of your head you will never get any indication of change. You will never have any progress to measure yourself or your success.

I’m not looking for notoriety, I’m looking to be successful at being productive. I’m happy that I’ve realized change is not harmful, but only the next step to learning something new. I’m productive at this time and that’s more than I was years ago when I started this blog. So I need to continue to write and need to continue this challenge, one at a time. Change is getting a new car, fear of not pulling a dream out of the clouds? Well I have no excuse, I only fail if I do nothing. I just need to complete things and not fear the outcome.

Right! Onward and upward. To all of you who find themselves in the same boat, I toss you ‘life-vest’ to join me and others on this quest.

Remember, don’t fear those who judge, for you are your own worst enemy. (IMHO:  I’ve been taking a lot of deep breaths and then continue on. Or I shelve the item and pick up something else that can be worked on until I can go back. It works!! Trust me, I’m doing it.)

Nims

Aside: (“Challenge #2 – watch me blow the doors off of you!”)

change

The Challenge 1

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Recently I posted “Fear of the Unknown”. This was a topic I started months ago and only recently posted. As April is a “spring cleaning” month, I looked at myself and noted that I needed help for things that only another could assist me with. In a metaphysical world there are many kinds of help. Energy healing, Reiki healing, Meditations, Life Coaching and more. There is literally something for everyone, without having to rely on medication to get us to change, accepting that we have the power to change without that. That is the route that I am going.
“What I’m sharing is not to sway by words or actions, to convert or pressure anyone into trying alternate methods. If you need help, start with the Medical establishment and go from there. I am very much aware of what I need and know that the establishment is not what I need at this time.”

Sometimes we have blockages and sometimes those blockages make themselves known. Bad habits, thoughts, etc. that have become so rooted in our physical and habitual bodies that we need outside help from others that can get us moving in the right direction. (I promise I’m not being deliberately ambiguous, but when you feel “off” that is a hard thing to describe.) So applying the old adage of “Mind over Matter” pretext, I’m trying to shape and change some deeply rooted issues.
“How you say?”

I took time out and look at myself energetically. From my aura so to speak. I sought out a metaphysical service provider to help me with energy blockages. To feel better in my soon to be “Future Self”! Bragging? Hardly, I just know that as a creature of habit that I am the only one to take those steps towards energy health. My Mom can nag me [insert chuckles] but I have to be the one that changes. I also took on a challenge that came my way. More on that in a sec.

So the changes that I am embarking on have centered around my chakras. Now, not all my chakras as getting the preferential treatment, just the ones that seem to be the worse off. Due to neglect, you say? Absolutely not, just too long going and going and putting off the inevitable check up until you have to dig in and say, “Stop!”. And the first one that is being looked at is the Root Chakra. There is lots of information regarding the Chakras and the root one is the one that for many takes a beating. If your interested there is a link that will give you some info here. (I’m not endorsing this link, just one that you can go and check out for more info.)

I’ve received information back regarding the healing that I requested and it even comes with homework. (Ugh) Yes, homework. I have some deep diving that needs to be done so that I can complete the work that was started by my lovely friend over at Earth-Energy Medicine. So once I start into that and complete that part, I hope to share some insights on that. But to get to the reason behind this post, “The Challenge”.

Challenge 1

Humans by and large are competitive. And challenges, well I decided “Go for it.”. Since I was putting “me” first for a change. It revolved around another post that my friend made on her Facebook page. Random helpful posts where “you” are taking the initiative to go forth and do the change. “Just Do It” as Nike’s slogan has been for years. Now I need to work it out.

Okay – here you go!

Image result for 5 things to quit right now quotes

Well not all 5 at once! That would be messy and insurmountable. But one or two should be easy right? A mind over matter, kind of thing? I have been living, breathing and labouring under all the above “directives”. Each one feels like a job, something that was a part of me on a day-in and day-out basis.

As I read each one separately I realized each is destructive. Each one in a studious light looked like “nasty habits” that I have been living with. My friend directed take one of the above and take bites out of it. Change it, kick this nasty habit to the curb. “Which one was the worst offender in my cabinet of habits?” All the above are sneaky and insidious but “Which One?” was the big kahuna of offenders?

My choice was #4Putting yourself down“. It is the one that I felt, was the worst in the list. A proficient killer to confidence and assurance in this world. So what did I reason out that it was doing to me that it became “numero uno” in the list?

  • It holds me back, by downplaying my importance in the grand scheme of my journey.
  • I tone down my importance in other’s lives.
  • I even “talk down” to myself that what I am and what I do is of no importance to others of my tribe, by family and even my closest friends.
  • The worst thing is? I allowed myself to believe it.

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So my journey begins. I am not sure how to start this “change” in myself. All I know that I have a blank journal that screams my name, begging for me to write down whatever comes to mind. I hope that soon I’ll be able to share some of the options, or shall I hope for clever quips?

Well if your in for the ride, welcome.

Cheers! To your health.

change, Random Posts

Fear of the Unknown

Some of this is is rumination and some may seem rhetorical. I consider the below just my observations and opinions from my side of the window.

Image result for Fear pictureOkay “fear” that ugly 4-letter word. “Fear of the Unknown”. It is one of those icky things we have facing us on a daily basis. Well all I can say is that I’m getting tired of trying to forget it, acknowledge it and talk my way through it.

Weekly I check in on Facebook and try to keep up with my friends. I’m seeing a trend of sickness, “fear” of losing the job, or “fear” of not getting a job and a cringing kind of “gird-the-loins” version of courage that remind me of the Lion from “The Wizard of Oz”. (Don’t misjudge, I love the Lion!)

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I scratch my head at times perplexed, wondering what has happened. Why this sudden constant stream of the above issues? I see the trend but can’t conceive of what is at the root of so many things going awry. Some physical responses, of course is just common sense, such as getting sick is just that. We catch the germs and “Boom”, laid low for a while.

Watching and reading I’m seeing it (Fear) become the body’s reaction to too many stressors. So my opinion the root cause? “Fear” has stepped in and stolen the keys to our house. It has slithered in to stay and cause all manner of upset. Whether it’s small or large is irrelevant, it’s become an unwelcome house guest.

I’ve imagined myself sitting in front of “it” and grabbing it by the throat and giving it a good throttle. At other times, I shrink and feel myself flatting myself to stay low out of it’s sight. That ugly 4-letter word has gripped it’s bird-like claws into so many, I’m overwhelmed at how many are suffering. And at the manner in which that suffering has played out on them.

Image result for change fearAll I can think of is that I need to continue to shield by physical body with good habits. Sleep being the hardest one and the one I am most tardy at keeping in my schedule. Meditate to help relax and prepare my mind to be relaxed and refreshed. If needed, finding those skilled in coaching or energy sessions or other disciplines. Remember that even those who help others, need help from many diverse areas of Health Care (for lack of better words) for the Holistic, Scientific and Medical fields and those I may not have mentioned.

Here is where my “Fear of the Unknown” stops. Changes ahead, one step at a time.

…Change, she is coming….