The Ideas

Living in the Past – sharing

Okay my last post about taking on Challenge for Living in the Past, I mentioned I would not share anything as most things can be deeply personal. But there is one thing out of a closet of Pink PostIt® notes, that I’m going to deep dive into and share with you.

When I was about 9 years old, my child-hood friend Kristi, lived just behind my house. We spent tons of time between each other’s houses playing and hanging out. My friend had a fantastically decorated room. Filled with strobe lights that gave off blue and red colors for those days where disco was still ruled by Diana Ross and Cher. And a small disco ball hanging from the bedroom’s ceiling reflecting those cool sparkles around the room. Enough to make you dizzy as we danced and sang to our favorite songs. We both had the usual Barbie dolls and clothing and nick-nacks that go with such toys.

So my memory of ‘past’ experiences that shaped me, and this one has that PostIt® on it. I distinctly remembered the pink plastic bed for Barbie was the only furniture I had. But Kristi had many items for Barbie to recline on, sleep on and tables built for her dolls. Needless to say, our time together was always fun with music, singing, and playtime.

I unfortunately coveted my friend’s only mini wicker chair that made Barbie look like a queen among all other dolls when sitting in it. I remember I was envious and wanted one just like it. But it was not meant to be had. I even asked Mom, if I could have one too. But this was not something sold in stores. Oh well, right?

As a child, we are still learning right from wrong. We sometimes endure painful reminders should we do any bad thing and get disciplined. I did one thing due to envy. I stole my best friend’s little wicker chair one day playing at her house. When I left that day, my Barbies were stuffed into appropriate Barbie cases and so was the chair. When I got home I was so excited for Barbie to have a lovely chair to sit on. Something that I did not have. I remember playing with Barbie the next day and Mom comes in with laundry and noticed that I was playing but something was amiss. The little wicker chair was very noticeable. And I was busted! As my friend, Kristi was not hanging out in my room and my Mom knew my stuff very well, having the singular parental duty of helping me put things away. And the fact that I had asked recently about finding such a chair… Well as you can imagine that was difficult to explain. But I had taken the chair, my friend Kristi had not loaned it to me.

So, knowing that I had been busted and Mom’s stern look and definite pointing to the said item, not mine. I learned that making Mom unhappy was one thing, but the thought that I may have made my best friend unhappy at losing their toy was unbearable.

As soon as I was presentable to go over to Kristi’s house I only took the chair, no toys and Mom was in tow behind me to be sure that I did the right thing. I returned the chair to my friend’s house. I knocked on the door and with the learned ‘I’m sorry I took your toy.” statement on my lips I passed the coveted wicker chair to my friend. I was marched home and still not out of deep water. I was grounded from going to play for 1 week at Kristi’s house. My Mom definitely had let Kristi’s Mom know that I was grounded too.

Needless to say, this was painful as a recapped memory. It’s sometimes the weirdest things we remember. I definitely remember it and learned from it well, for I’ve stayed out of trouble since. I release this memory to the sun-light, and it may be faded now but more so in knowing I forgive myself for being a child doing a childhood thing.

P.S. I remember fondly the fun times that ensued after my grounding was over. My best friend Kristi was not mad at me. She and I remained friends until her family moved away a few years later.  And as luck would have it, I did get to see her again in high-school. She reprised this story when we saw each other, we hugged and graduated together.

~Healing in bits and pieces

Nims

 

The Ideas

Challenge #3 – Living In The Past

Good Morning!

Okay, so if you’re following along and my previous post was Challenge #1- Pleasing Everyone. At the end of that post, I had to challenges left to decide on. I was going to take time to think about which one to tackle next. Well, both have to be dealt with and I finally decided to just pick one.

Out of the 5 on the list, I’ve worked through or am still working I know I just need to move forward, evolve and change. I have decided to work on point #3 Living In The Past.

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The picture above is idyllic, right? Evokes images of lazy days, slower times, and maybe a picture-perfect vacation that was taken? All of this is ‘past’ history. But sometimes we have stuff in our past that keeps impinging on our present and can affect our future.

So, memories can be the catalyst to stop our forward momentum. Yes, we use them to remember things, stories, anecdotes to tell friends and family and then, there are the memories that are linked to a time and place that we’d rather forget. Those are the ones that stop us from moving forward, growing, exploring and being a “better you”. Everyone is different, everyone has experienced something that has changed us in small and large ways. Some of those ‘things’ are just that. Incidents that we can look back on and analyze it to see what can we do to overcome. Yet, it causes us to hold back. That’s why it’s a trigger for stopping us from moving forward. So how does one analyze our past to allow the future to unfold?

Hefty words indeed. We all agree, our past shapes us and drives us. But sometimes, we have things that cause us to live in the past, pressing the ‘rewind’ button one more time. No amount of self-help topics, books or analysis may help us. I’m not saying that it won’t, but sometimes if we admit it, there are items in our closets that just defy us ‘letting it go’. Right? Now, I’m only speaking for myself and a challenge is just a challenge so you think. But as I take this challenge on, well what harm can come of it? For me, I lose nothing. Going into the past to challenge me, is going to be a tough adversary. There are so many things that hold me back. But I need to find, not the easy stuff to deal and accept that I can either change or whatever. I need to find the hard stuff. The ones that cause you to flinch, shield the eyes and ver ‘hard-left’ from dealing with it.

What are those difficult moments in time, that cause me to flinch, shield and swerve ‘hard-left’? Deep diving, requires time an empty notepad and lots of searching. What will I come up with that I can review and see if I can let it go? Many of you will see alignment or a nod coming forth when I mention things like; alcoholism, abuse, relationship issues yours or from your parents and friends around you, stealing, maybe others. Those things that are locked up tight in our memory chests.

What can I find and deal with? Shine the sun on it and watch the memory become so washed out that its impact is lessened. So when its hold is loosened and I can then rejoice in the fact it will cause less pain. Thereby releasing me from being held back, hiding in shame, making decisions that are based on the layers of uncomfortable situations that make me? The inner-child is wounded and is still not allowed to heal. What can I find, shine strong sun-light on and fade that picture that is always found so easily in the murky past memorial line-up. Like its flagged with a bright neon PostIt® tag. Holding a spot in the eerie lineup of memories?

I don’t know that anyone would be interested in the unveiling…I think that is something private for many. Old wounds exposed back to the air is like rubbing salt in the wound is far from cathartic. I’ll tell my notepad the secrets, unveil them and shine that wonderful sun-light down on each page. The inner-child is wounded and needs to heal. Don’t you think we all have one?

Be back soon. My notepad awaits, wish me good luck and best wishes. See you all soon.

~Healing in bits and pieces.

Nims