The Challenges! They continue!
Okay, so I posted the list at the beginning to give a quick reference right off the bat! Well it has been a while since I checked in and gave an update and the challenges still are ongoing. (Feel free to click the links at bottom of this post to check into challenges #2 and 4. They were not done in order.) I have started and am still absorbing all the changes that make up “Saying No”, “Avoiding PC Responses” and “Being Goody Two-Shoes”; all of which for me make up just a few things that I have lumped into “Trying to Please Everyone”.
So you are most likely wondering what I consider what is “Trying to Please Everyone” in my day-to-day. Work weeks usually consist of peer-to-peer relationship dynamics. Where as the weekends will be down time family, friends and neighbors interactions. Now, I don’t have a favorite one that tops my list of being in my sights for handling. From a logical perspective many would say that the ‘home away from home’; work, would be the first and foremost place to start this challenge. Many would say start local, ‘Home Sweet Home’ being ground zero for practice. I did no such thing. I just started with -> where is the most push coming from?
For some strange reason I started with friends. I started with the 2 letter word “No”. It has an amazing reaction facially when you start saying it. Your friends are all raised eyebrows and opened mouthed. And the expectation is that you’d say “Yes”, to whatever thing was was up for grabs. My big one was the ‘third party’ to dinners or outings. I hated knowing I was just rounding out numbers and not really being asked for my company. I have more fulfilling events with friends now.
Next it was my retired neighbors. I stopped being available for spontaneous conversations while walking my dog or when I just get home from work. About ‘the height of the grass’, ‘sprinklers not working’ or the one that gets me ‘The tree it’s dead, right?’. I used to get pulled into ridiculous debates on those topics and sometimes the point of view was petty and malicious. I rush past with purposeful strides to duck into my home quickly. It has been working as I just get a smallish wave as I go by and no ‘hails’ for my opinion. I make sure I go to the Association Meetings though to stay up to date without the gossip.
I want to say lastly, but not really it was work. I have observed in the last 8 months or so that my needs of ‘Not Pleasing’ really revolved around me saying “No” in some fashion. Nor did it include being standoffish. It was more of not saying a literal “Yes” to everything. I wasn’t a ‘Yes Girl’. I was and still am a team player of “lets get the stuff done”, yet I make sure that I finish my promised work. Then I find out if anyone on the team needs assistance. Yet there is the underlying unhappiness from former parties that as things shifted and new duties came about that rousted out old duties. That by an unknown consensus that I would still be available with a ready “Yes” tripping off my lips with old stuff that popped up with an immediate turn-around. I find that I have to reply with a not available right now, but give me time to get to it. (Insert frowning faces “here”.)
So I have not been ostracized yet. Things are definitely uncomfortable as friends kind of shift their viewpoints, neighbors wave abstractedly and coworkers frown with frustration when I’m not readily available as I used to be or not at all. I sometimes feel pangs of guilt because I used to jump to it, but things shift and change. I analyze it and go with prioritization now, unless some one really comes screaming with hair on fire. I throw documents at peeps to assist as they do the same as I did and share knowledge freeing me up to do more.
So I’ve talked about friends, neighbors and coworkers. But your wondering if this has impacted any family, your tossing that around in your head…(I hear the gears clunking around.) I stopped trying to “please” long ago my siblings. We after all now live in different states. I call on birthdays but we don’t talk week to week, we’ve never done that. I don’t “please” my parents. My Dad is estranged and that is okay. My Mom, well lets just say no one likes to ‘displease’ their Mom. Seems to me to be an inherent ‘thing’ to not do anything that will make them anything other than happy with said offspring. Now that doesn’t mean I’ve not rocked the boat for Mom. I have and I have done good things that make for calm waters. But that is as it should be. I would not be the adult that I am if I didn’t try to establish that I can do the knocks and either correct the wrongs and at least live my life moving forward better.
I think since I’m still alive and kicking that this Challenge #1, although not fully complete by my standards, it is done. It’ll run in the background like an old program keeping things going. Hopefully no glitches or slipping backwards! If you’ve just come into reading about my challenges, feel free to click the links below to the others to catch up.
So I think I need to figure out what ‘bad habit’ needs to be tackled next, 2 left! I’ll leave this for now, as both are weighty subjects. I need to make sure the loop on “Trying to Please Everyone” is holding.
- #3 Living in the Past
- #5 Overthinking
Anyone had any of those weird or non-weird moments when “Trying to Please Everyone” left a lasting impression? Feel free to comment below. Know that you do not walk alone.
Working on the pieces, one at a time.