I feel like I’m stuck in slow mode. I can’t seem to get any enthusiasm for my day-to-day life. I get up and go to work. But I don’t wake with verve or even an ‘ahh’ in response that I had a good nights sleep.
I don’t know…but it feels, yes feels, like that dreaded cloud is coming back into my life. Having a track record with depression you start seeing the signs. Lack of interest in things that used to interest you. No wish to get out of bed to go to work. Ditto for weekends when all you want to do is get out and enjoy the sunshine. But the whole Idea of getting out, is me looking up at this hulking large brick wall 10 feet high and wondering how the hell I’m going to climb over it.
Many times I’ve been there. I’ve realized I committed the worst sin of my depression the other day. Unmindful Shopping. I realized a long time ago that when I am depressed that shopping would give the temporary satisfaction of accomplishment. But it’s not a good thing especially when the money is ear marked for bills and necessary grocery shopping. Uh-oh! I realized it a day too late. But this time it wasn’t financially damaging.
So now that I know I’m slipping into ‘my funk’, I have to remember to pick up a book and read. Grab that 5 Calorie Life Saver in Peppermint, to help clear the fog. And mark down mentally that I’m one step closer to feeling better. And keep doing that. One step away from sliding down the slide to my deep well. (Yes, I call the bottom of the bucket ‘my deep well’.) It’s a place that I hate because once I’m there I feel I cannot get out. So by all means I do things to keep myself from riding the slide into it.
I have this one thing on weekends I totally look forward to, a bike ride with my boyfriend. It’s one of the things I live for each weekend. It’s great time to be together and fun to see the local places. It’s a great thing to keep me motivated. And yes I’ll admit that I ‘latch’ onto it like a lifesaver for a drowning person at times like this. It’s my way of keeping me afloat.
I’ll check in again. Right now just fighting to keep my mind busy and not making ‘decisions based on depression’.
I’m also trying to find good recipe for this wonderful fruit Avocado!! Feel free to send me links to great or favorite recipes!